Life with diabetes is never a smooth and easy ride. While I am very thankful that I have all this technology and all of these devices that I am able to use to help me gain better control over my disease, it takes a lot of work to do so. Not only does it take a lot of work, but it also takes knowledge and it takes constant effort. Type 1 diabetes is incurable. That is right, there is no cure. There is no magic pill to make it all go away. There is no way to grow back those cells that the immune system mistakenly destroyed. Type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune disease. My immune system destroyed the cells that make insulin. Without insulin, death is inevitable. So, I am completely and utterly dependent on insulin to stay alive. This knowledge is actually terrifying to me. Imagine knowing if you can’t afford or can’t find insulin, you are dead in a few days. (Told you it is terrifying). No pill can keep us alive. Nothing but insulin will do. I am so grateful for Dr. Frederick Banting or Toronto University who discovered that insulin could be used to treat diabetes. Thanks to his work and the work of many scientists before him, we have a way to manage this disease.
Diabetes is very much like a science experiment, as one of my memes on the homepage shows. You honestly never know what your sugars will be from one day to the next. The timing of insulin, the hormones produced by the body, the number of calories used by the person, the timing of when the food is broken down and digested and converted to sugars. All of these things affect your sugar. I have said before, even if I ate the same thing 5 days in a row, my sugars in the 2 hour postprandial time could be very different. One day I may be high, one day I may be low, 3 days I may be normal. But it could also be high, low, normal, high, normal. You honestly just don’t know.
For someone who is a control freak or someone who strives for perfection, this can be frustrating and irritating. (Not that I am a perfectionist…..lol). I know that diabetes can be daunting and my experience in dealing with patients shows me that many times the frustration gets the better of them. They feel like no matter what they do their numbers go up and down and so they figure why bother trying? I understand this, luckily for me, I am as I said a perfectionist and so I keep trying every day to make my CGM line flat and beautiful. I don’t get discouraged by the ups and downs most days (not going to lie some days it is harder to not be upset). Instead I look at the data provided by my CGM and I think ok what did I do today that was different? I know for example that pretty much every morning I am going to hit 170-180 after breakfast, higher then I want, but if I can keep it under 200 I am happy. I set my alarm at 170 so it alerts me when it goes up and I can try my best to make sure I don’t cross that 200 line. Most of the time the rest of the day I do ok with meals. I am more insulin resistant in the morning and I know I need to bolus before I eat at breakfast but life and timing get in the way. Mornings are a mad rush for me so I settle on staying under 200 and I am ok with that.
I think as diabetics we all need to study our days. Honestly let's look at what we are doing and troubleshoot in a way that works for your life. Find a way to keep your sugars in as good of control as you can by putting forth honest effort. Don’t use the excuse that I am so tired of hearing, “my diabetes is different”. Honestly, my friends, everyone’s diabetes is different. That is the point I am trying to make, find out what works for you and your diabetes. Honestly people, the term “brittle diabetic”, is in my opinion simply non- compliance. Your sugars are erratic because of your behavior. If you are honest with yourself, you will know I am right. Eating 3 donuts for breakfast will have serious consequences of your sugars. Over blousing to correct the high from those 3 donuts, will cause a low which will then send you into panic mode, because who likes to feel low? (Hint nobody). And then you overeat and go high from panic eating to fix the low and the cycle starts all over again. This up and down cycle always has a beginning that if you take the time to find it, you can correct it.
Diabetes does not have to run or ruin your life. Diabetes does suck for us all but I know if I can do this, if I can live a normal life and I can deal with the ups and downs that at times I can’t explain, so can you! Don’t blame yourself for making mistakes from time to time, we all do. Don’t beat yourself up for having a bad day. Simply take a breath, try to find out why you are having a bad day, and do what you can to make it better. Stop, breathe, and know you are not alone.