I have been reading a book by Stephen R. Covey called “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families”. Mr. Covey has written several books with the “7 Habits of Highly Effective” in the title. He teaches how to better manage your life, your family, and your business, so I have been thinking could these rules and or guidelines help us to better manage our diabetes? I would need to really think about this and decide what the 7 habits are for diabetes, but today I was reading the last chapter. Mr Covey talks about managing verses leading. This line really caught my attention: “the reality is that most families are over-managed and under-led”. I know this sound weird because we are talking about diabetes here not families, right? But I could not stop thinking about this concept of managing versus leading.
Mr. Covey goes on to say that “the more quality leadership that is provided in the family, the less management is needed because people will manage themselves”. The opposite is also true he says “the less leadership is provided, the more management is needed because without a common vision and common value system, you have to control the things and people to keep them in line. This requires external management but stirs up rebellion or it breaks people’s spirit'‘. So what does this have to do with diabetes? Well, my brain came up with this thought: if this concept can be applied in a variety of circumstances, couldn’t it be applied to diabetes management?
I think of the times I have gone in to see my endocrinologist. When he or she has more or less threatened me and tried to make me see that I had to do what they were telling me if I wanted to be ok. That they were the expert and they knew how to manage my diabetes. They knew better then me how to perfect my sugars. The rules are simple: eat well, avoid sweets, don’t cheat, take your medicine, exercise, check your sugars. I used to get so mad, I would think how dare you tell me what to do. You don’t understand, those rules may apply to some people, but not to me. My diabetes is different, I am different. Taking my insulin 15 mins before I eat causes me major issues. It’s easy for you to say what to do doctor, but you don’t have to live this. I would want to rebel and be like I will show you that you are wrong and you do not understand. The doctor was my external manager. I did rebel and I hated their rules and I did not like being told I was “bad” because I had a high reading once in a while. (see previous postings, this disease does not allow for perfection).
I feel like I do the best with my sugars when I take a more relaxed approach. The more I obsess about trying to make my sugars perfect, the more I tend to feel burnt out. If I live my life and do what needs to be done and accept the imperfections and the bad days, I notice I do much better. I do check my sugar (all the time) and I do take my insulin all the time. Some days I am super precise with my carb counting and others I more or less guess based on experience. I do what I need to do but I don’t over manage myself. I don’t constantly berate myself for the days when I go high, when I forget to bolus until an hour later when I am beeping high alert on my sensor. I don’t punish myself if I want to eat something that is considered by doctors as “cheating”. I hate that term by the way, it’s not cheating, people it is called living!!
Back to Mr. Covey, so is there a way to apply his 7 habits of Highly effectiveness to diabetes? In my humble opinion, it is better for me to have some of my own control, to take responsibility for my diabetes myself. It helps to have someone to turn to with questions to “lead” me but not micromanage me. I know from experience, that micromanaging for me, does make me rebel. I also know that having a non-judgmental person who I can talk to and share my experiences and who is willing to work with me and consider what I am saying, is the key to my success. Having a doctor on your side saying yes that is normal and you are doing a good job. I think that is what we all need. We need to know that we are ok, that we are good and that we are doing the best we can each day. Some days are easier then others and some days we may be more into our management than others. But it is ok to have these ups and downs. In fact, it is human to mess up and make mistakes.
I know we can all benefit from being led rather then being managed. Nobody likes to be managed do they? Leadership even sounds so much nicer. Let us all lead one another into a world where life with diabetes is not the end of the world as we know it. Leaders teach those who follow how to do things for themselves. Managers simply tell you what to do and how to do it. So when looking for an endocrinologist, maybe that is what we all need to do, find someone who can lead us and guide us and not manage us. And we can all help to empower and lead one another right here. To walk beside one another and share our experiences rather then to judge and compete for who is doing the best. Lets lead and guide one another as we all walk the path of diabetes together.