If you ask my kids about me, they will tell you with big smiles on their faces that “my mom is so much fun, she loves to play with us and she is so nice, well, except when her sugar is high, then she can be kind of mean”. I must say that this to me is a little sad, yet it is kind of hitting the nail right on the head. When I was young and growing up, my mother used to tell everyone I was so moody. In college a few of my friends had this funny little thing they would do, they would say “swing batter batter, swing”…...referring to my sometimes ultrafast mood swings. So I have often thought this was just me. I was, as my mother used to say, just very “moody”.
As I have studied and learned more about diabetes and talked to more patients who have type 1, I have realized something amazing. It is not just me, I am not extra moody, it is fact a great deal related to my sugars. I jokingly tell my patients they can use their diabetes or their sugars as an excuse for being grumpy or mean. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not giving us all permission to be grumpy simply because we have a medical reason to explain it. I just mean at times, a lot of the time actually, our mood can be greatly affected by our blood sugar. Sometimes, if you are all like me, you may not be able to control it. There are times when I can see and hear myself screaming and yelling at my kids and I know I am being ridiculous, and yet I can’t seem to stop myself. Why are these shoes on the floor? Why are there dishes in the sink? Why are you being so loud? Why are you on your iPad again?????? Aahhhhhhhh!!! I call this the evil alien possession phase of my diabetes, for I truly feel like some alien has taken control of me and I can see myself but the alien has control over what I am doing.
For some of us, a low sugars brings on this cranky irritable, rage monster. You are almost possessed by an insatiable hunger and will literally stomp over anything and anyone who gets in your way. Think of being hangry, but like 10000x more than normal. And once you find sustenance, you can not stop eating it…. Or you can become disagreeable and argumentative when someone tries to “help you”. Spitting juice back out at them, or clamping your lips together (think of Julia Roberts in Steel Magnolias) and refusing to take a sip. I had a similar experience one time when I was a kid. My brothers and I had been playing outside in the snow when mom called us in to eat lunch. Well, I apparently played too hard and passed out, and they left me outside, in the snow. So after my mom realized I had not come in and asked, she was met by 4 shrugging boys who were shoving food in their mouths, and gestured outside. She and my dad ran outside to scoop me up and bring me in. I was, needless to say, in an altered state of mental awareness. My father tried pouring juice down my throat as I spit it out and kept turning my head away. He got so mad he smacked me and yelled just drink this juice, you need it!! My mom, the calmer of the 2 told him I did not know what I was doing and she calmly got me to drink something. This was not a one time occasion. Of course I don’t have any actual recollection of these episodes, just the versions told by my family. That is one of the worst parts of this you really don’t remember and you really can’t control what you are doing or saying.
Then there are the high sugars….. To me these are unbearable. I feel like my body is being taken over by an evil alien who hates everything and everyone. Little things drive me crazy. My kids running around and playing and being loud, (you know normal kid stuff) makes me want to kick someone. I literally can not stand anything. I hate noise, I hate clutter. I hate stuff. I hate feeling like the world is out to get me. I seriously feel like I do in fact get a little bit paranoid. I feel like people are purposefully trying to make me mad or to ruin my life. When I am high, I hate cooking. I hate cleaning. Literally I hate everything. I sometimes feel like I should run away and hide in a hole in the side of a mountain, until my sugar comes back down and the alien goes away. This alien posses me and makes me mean and angry and paranoid. Sadly, I often realize that I am unable to tolerate normal things, but can’t seem to stop the angry alien from yelling and raging against everyone. I am simply just miserable. In fact, I hate being high more than anything in the world.
One paper that I read talked a little about this. One theory is that we are upset and mad at ourselves because we were unable to keep our sugar normal and we feel like we failed, and you how they say misery loves company…..? Another theory states that cells in the brain that helps us think are in fact not getting fed (weird right considering the sugar is high and not low), this is because the sugar in the blood stream can not enter the cells where it can be used as energy, so the cell is actually not being fed. I have also read that perhaps we get angry and grumpy when high simply because we don’t feel well. So what can we do? Well, first of all understand that it is okay to feel like this. And it is probably a good idea to let your loved ones know this is how you can be and to understand it really is not you, but it is the evil alien that is being mean. Remember we all have times where the alien takes over and it is ok to give yourself a break. Be sure to apologize if you are mean (whether you mean it or not you can hurt your loved ones feelings"). What works for me is to seriously tell everyone hey I am high so I am going to my room for some quiet time, for your own safety, please do not disturb!